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30 Days of Kink: Day 22

What do you think is important in keeping a BDSM relationship healthy? How does it differ from a vanilla relationship?

Seriously? Shut up. I really want to talk to the person who created this questionnaire.
What kind of answer is being expected?

Here’s what keeps a “BDSM relationship” healthy:

Regular whippings, of course, as opposed to regular communication in a “vanilla relationship” because you know, we don’t like to yap. 
One hour of  “master-worship” everyday, that’s just our version of spending time together.
Alluding to feelings of inferiority, unlike “vanillas” we don’t do love.
Paying proper attention to titles; respect differs from community to community, after all.
Frequently sacrificing, blood, because compromising on needs is not in our manual.  

Relationships are relationships; love, happiness and great sex, that’s all there is.
What that means to you, is up to you.


About ancilla9876

I'm a young, female, Indian submissive and masochist. I am many other things, of course. But this blog mostly deals with the contents of my lede sentence.

8 responses to “30 Days of Kink: Day 22

  1. autosoma ⋅

    I’m interested, I read your about and given that within the caste system from Dalit to Bhramin, relationships are about husband dominating and wives being submissive. From your writing style, you’ve undergone a Western education, I would postulate UK from your usage of semi-colons. How do your reconcile a submissive relationship, when it is the norm within the many cultures of India with the general consensus of BDSM relationships?

    • Firstly, I don’t see the world in terms of caste especially when it comes to relationships. And before you accuse me of making an uninformed declaration from my elitist casteless pedestal, let me tell you I am not.
      Secondly, I have not been the recipient of a “Western Education”.
      I went to school, college and currently a post-graduate institute in India. They teach proper usage of semi-colons in India too; you just have to listen or take initiative. (Most people, and I don’t blame them, simply think semi-colons are just not important).
      Finally, my dear, there is nothing to reconcile.
      I enjoy pain, I allow myself to be hurt.
      I enjoy exalting my man, I do it.
      I enjoy having my will coerced, so I allow it to happen.
      All that doesn’t change the fact that I am allowing all this to happen, it is not happening to me. Also I am enjoying it.
      When I’m not anymore, it’d be enough reason for me to get out and move on, is that the norm in the cultures you vaguely mention?
      The norms that apply to a person socially, are of the community they exist in and you postulate that the Indian community can be generalized into a set of norms, that does not sit well with me.

      • autosoma ⋅

        Well as I live in the middle of a mostly Hindi community, what you are describing is mostly the norm of my neighbours, wife beatings and worse (honour killings three in the last year appear to be the norm). Interesting, that you use “my dear”, that’s a very specific home counties phrase, which In my experience of employing a number of Hindi programmers who attended community colleges would never use. You are interesting

      • See, that’s exactly what I was trying to say, our vision is limited by the community we exist in.
        Of course I don’t mean to deny that a part of India is, sadly, indulging in wife-beating and honour killings.
        That is my problem, because I am an Indian.
        Thankfully, it is not the community I exist in.
        And the difference between the wives being beaten and I, is that I asked to be beaten. Explicitly, in so many words.

      • autosoma ⋅

        Ergo, by that the Hindi and Sikh, doctors, dentists, accountants and businessmen, who live in the wider community of East London, should apply the societal norms of the UK. So why does my neighbour, with his Audi and Range Rover, consider it acceptable for him and his mother to hit his wife. When I saw that happen, I thought to myself, your living up to the stereotype, mate. I have an exceptionally high pain threshhold, my tattooist loves me because he can get on with it without me flinching. Also I used to box and I could take some serious beatings and still get up. In those circumstances you could say I enjoyed receiving pain, but I do not wish to be controlled or control another person and the power dynamic that goes with it.

      • Come on.
        You take the pain, for the tattoo or the match, that doesn’t necessarily mean you like pain.
        And really, as someone who is frequently under the needle, being tattooed is not that painful.

        Also, having a high threshold for pain doesn’t mean you must enjoy being controlled. Do what you like.

        As for your neighbour, he may live in East London but that may not be the community the norms he adheres to originate.
        Are you looking for an explanation for his behaviour?

      • autosoma ⋅

        Two things I’m not looking for an explanation of his behaviour, he and others like him are a disgrace and dishonourable from any sensible perspective. Secondly, I find your lifestyle choices interesting, given my understanding of Indian culture.

      • Disgrace, I agree.
        If you have any questions about my lifestyle choices or you need someone to deepen your understanding of Indian culture you can e-mail me at: (that’s right).

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