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World Weary

If world weariness is a phase, then my entire life has been a phase. 

I live a “full” life. 
When I go to class, I am eager to learn and study.
When I go to work, I am eager to uncover and create. 
When I go I meet master, I am eager to please and be pleasured. 
When I read, I am eager to be entertained and enlightened. 
When I walk in the street, I am eager to observe and understand.
When I meet new people, I am eager to discover and communicate. 
When I travel, I am eager to investigate and indulge. 

Yet, no matter how much momentary pleasure I derive from the world, the stench of boredom, nihilism and cynicism have started to influence my experiences. 
I meet a lot of people, I always have, but at 16 I wanted to know everything about them. I would spend a week and explore the human being before me (and after that it would be over). But now, I feel like I can engage for a few hours at the most after which I either typecast or abandon. 
I overhear a lot of discussion in the market and on streets, force of habit, and it would never fail to amuse me. I loved to experience the world-view of another. To create the entire life of the person who was making one statement.
Yesterday, while I was out to buy magazines and cigarettes, I heard unceasing election-chatter, I was not amused or even interested beyond the surface information. 
I read the news with a lot of interest, I derive perverse pleasure out of it, and now i read it just to know. Now I make just rational connections between one piece of news and the other. Nothing more. 

I guess what I am trying to say is, nothing surprises me anymore. 


About ancilla9876

I'm a young, female, Indian submissive and masochist. I am many other things, of course. But this blog mostly deals with the contents of my lede sentence.

One response to “World Weary

  1. sagedoyle

    I am awarding you the Blog of the Year Award 2013 as an expression of my gratitude for following “The Journal of Wall Grimm” blog. You can see the post here: If you don’t accept awards, that’s no problem at all. Awarding you is my way to thank you and it is of no insult to me if you decline.

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