DAY 3 : DISCOVERIES
How did you discover that you were kinky?
First, I discovered that I was a deviant. This was back when I didn’t understand kinky because “children” don’t have sexual inclinations, not overt ones anyway.
The first time I noticed I was acting really strange was when I knocked down a vase in the house (completely on purpose) and then followed my mother around the house to get her to notice and get mad and beat me up. I was, maybe six, at the time. I remember being in a haze, unable to control my actions because I wanted what I wanted. Needed, rather.
The real discovery of deviance came when I was nine and I saw my father beat my mother, I had seen him strike her many many times but never the way he did then, she started to bleed and he was raging.. I was sitting on the floor and just watching, i sat there for hours after they were done, I was reliving every thing I had just seen just with me in it, and a man besides my father.
I had dreams about it. I would wake up feverish and aching, unable to understand what I was really feeling.
I discovered I was kinky when I had my first orgasm.. I was twelve. I had accidentally masturbated. Right after my body started to contort, I wanted to be slapped violently. At the time, I did it to myself.
The “real” discovery moment came when I was fourteen years old.. By now I knew I might be stunted in some ways. I was seeing a much older man (every time i would meet a new man, I would decide if I wanted to be with him based on his answer to the question, “Would you hit/beat a woman?”), and I had driven him insane. Late night calls, breaking into his house, insane intense professions of love.. eventually, he lost it and he beat me. He walked out, and I sat in laughed for hours.
I was pretty freaked out by myself .
However, by the following morning, I was in love.. with myself.