..is not having them!
So, I was the girl who loved to cum; over and over and anytime of the day. I was the girl who said that if I don’t cum, it’s not sex. Then, of course, Master started punishing me with orgasm denial. At first, I hated it, for many years. It was the worst punishment imaginable to me.
And then last year while we were taking a long weekend, something changed. The three days I spent naked being “punished” felt like bliss and the orgasm that followed was agonizing.
We started testing it, after three days, we did one week. Then three weeks. Then one month. Then two months. Now we are pushing for four (we started 15 days ago).
I have always been more inclined to pain than anything else, blood being my favorite thing and this sudden shift is, interesting.
This abstinence has helped me discover my inner-humiliation. It has enabled to me wholeheartedly enjoy things I did not even know I could like. Penetration without orgasms, as I continue to profess, is the best feeling in the world to me now.
I have started to feel a deep connection to my body. I am conscious of every movement, every sensation. Everything is significant; a strand of hair out of place or a nervous twitch. Every pore in my body feels like a pleasure centre.
And my desire to demean myself has never been stronger. I do and say things without consideration of how they would come off and I feel like I wear my soul on my skin.
It feels like stoned degradation all the time.
I wonder how it would feel to go an entire year.